"how was your workout? did you treadmill or elliptical?"
"um, i sat by my friends treadmill and watched videos on my ipod"

"you're in my phone as ------ because thats how you are in Claires phone"
"this whole entire world revolves around Claire i think"

"do they have any nice beaches in lubbock?"
"are you trying to get on the blog?"
"i eat blogs like that for breakfast"

"my first buy on craigslist. when i meet the guy i hope i dont get raped, or worse the tickets arent real"
"i do business on there alot. i've only been kidnapped and held in a basement once. so you'll be fine"

"yeah, with a router i'll get to lay with my computer at night. not in a biblical sense"

"to the UT swimmers at the Tech rec center: i dont know why youre here, but youre hott. hope you get attacked by tech fans though"

"im sorry that was rude. but i dont know how to put it any nicer"

"you'd ditch me for him?"
"yes, hes hott"

"i said the chinese guy was the hottest on glee before they started highlighting him as a character. so dibs"

"walking in 10 inches behind someone whos smoking right now just so i can look half as cool as him. its getting awkward"

"i dont like that town. too much bbq and people that like patsy cline"

"she kept stroking my hair and calling me a virgin! she says im not a man if im a virgin. shes so weird..."

"im about to get on the bus to drive to the river. hope theyre tricking us and driving us to lubbock"

"well im not pulling for the horns tomorrow. im going with claires team"

"he probably doesnt have skype. drug dealers dont have free time"

"learned about womens rights today. is this a joke?"
"mustve been a short lesson"

"hopefully nobody attacks you in your burnt orange sleeping bag tonight"

"any song that says douche bag is a good song in my book"

"taylor on the VMAs is so boring. this song blows"
"i dont care ill buy it anyway!"

"dont call me out on what just happened"

"the situation is so wise"

"a guy that isnt a douche is like a unicorn. aka non existent"

"college opens up so many useful doors. not in an alice in wonderland way, but in a coming to Jesus way."
"actually who am i kidding its an alice in wonderland way"

"its hilar in a thats annoying kind of way"

"is it bad that i judge people for having their dog in their senior pictures?"

 "you know you dont get out much when you only recognize 3 of the top 10 songs on itunes"

"whatever, i know where you live"

"on my way. be downstairs and outside by the time i get there or im leaving."

"its really awkward to watch a boy put on chap stick. like top 5 most awkward things in life"

"saddest moment of my life: 'you play any sports in high school? maybe softball?' "