"one tree hill does not suck! how many episodes have you seen?"
"thats irrelevant. how many times have you learned about the holocaust? doesnt matter. still sucks"

"im pretty sure the car next to me at this light is listening to the glee soundtrack"
"what poor pathetic people"

"god bless halloween. ill have facebook pictures to creep for at least a week"

"i hate watching the early episodes of dragon ball z"
"just the early episodes?"
"yeah, the animation is terrible"

"i have effbeeitus. its where you sit on facebook and stare at the computer screen so long you become sick. side effects include nausea and a headache"

"you think kids are making out in the woods even though its a church retreat?"
"um have you ever been to one of these? what else is there to do? plus...youve seen the girls that come to these things"

"some kid just said i was a jonas brother wanna-be!"
"certainly not, you have a mustache"

"did you just call me a slut?"
"yeah um sorry"
"dont be. its completely accurate."

"i hate when you wanna comment on someones status but you notice its from like january because youve pressed the older posts button so many times"

"we are going to stand in the quad handing out sandwiches to passing men. if they thank us we will ignore them. if they backhand us and tell us to get back in the kitchen then we will date them."

"just came across the cutest guy on facebook. ------, go stalk"
"hes barely cute! he's 'do-able' after 8 shots"

"i had a beautiful beta in this huge glass vase when i was in 8th grade probably. woke up one morning to blood soaked water so i got up and walked over to see my beautiful fish with its head cut off. more like sawed off with a soaking wet best buy gift card laying by the vase. you know how theyre kinda pointy on the edges and shaped weird. anyways, i also see my 3 year old brothers bloody dried hand prints on the table. needless to say, i have been scarred ever since and refuse to have fish."

"is it wrong to throw away a bible?"

"its gonna take skype to explain the joy in my heart"

"today, in the quad this guy was trying to sell breakfast burritos so he yelled 'EVERYBODY LOVES SAUSAGE!' in a very sexual manner"

"why dont guys understand they can only be rude if theyre hott??"

"sitting in a tattoo shop for the first time in my life"
"finally getting that tramp stamp?"

"when you meet my friends next week pretend to know nothing about them, even though ive told you all of their life stories"

"i dont think she gets my personality"
"its not that she doesnt get it. she just doesnt have one"

"wearing just one red silly band so it looks like im in the kabala. ill fit in with madonna, zac efron and britney"
"leave zac out of this"

"facebook etiquette. always adhere to it."
"yeah. if i knew what adhere meant id say more"

"i love everything taylor swift does"
"i hope she has a sex tape scandal and ruins her image"
"id watch that too"

"throwing money into the wind is claire bradleys favorite thing to do...she made me do it too in one of her foiled schemes."

"hes like one of those obnoxious guys who give the campus tours. hes freakishly obsessed with a&m. seriously, its a&m dude..."

"i just febreezed my feet"

"i was gonna say i talked to him today, but really i just stalked his profile really well this morning"

"lets become friends with someone named brooke so we can call her facebrooke"

"when you become famous and zac dumps vanessa to be with you, even if you get too cool and rich and red carpet for me, will you just promise me two things: buy me a cool christmas present every year, and name your first born child after me"

"you are the pinnacle of facebook"

"i prefer a bit of a beer belly. washboard abs: not attractive"

"you're a weird girl"