"just passed this hill id totally love to bomb"

"um excuse me?"

"oh...its a longboard term, i swear im not a terrorist"

"a farmville photo album is an automatic red flag. no matter how hott he is in his default"

"your parents let you drive all the way back to lubbock alone with a guy?"
"the likelihood of me getting raped is far less than the likelihood of me getting in a car wreck and dying if a woman was driving"

"everything i needed to know growing up i learned from degrassi"

"where are you going shopping for black friday?"
"i cant reveal my flawless route"

"just convinced my little cousin we had a dog so shed keep herself busy looking for it"

"had you been born in the right time period they would have burned you in salem"

"i got my idea from wal-mart, which a genius of american marketplace"

"hey i drove by your house today. what are they building down the street?"
"um idk something stupid i think like a medical research center. i was hoping itd be a 7-11"

"i love him. he has the softest ears."

"when he hugged me my heart grew wings and fluttered away"

"myspace reformatted. my profile looks like trash now."

"is that like asking to be raped? i mean...i dont mind"

"im writing a paper but im so add that i got on webmd to look up symptoms of add. tell me this isnt a problem and then get me some adderall"

"i wish i had time to just sit in the computer lab and play farmville...wait no i dont. i have a life."

"guy in my math class just told me a dice has nine sides. welcome to a&m"

"an accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. it is a gift from god"

"its fine if he ignores me all day, that just gives me more time to spend with God"

"wow learn to read. just kidding, thats unnecessary. ill just read out loud to you for the rest of your life"

"went to the ranch this weekend. hunting. super white trash"

"when people make me or expect me to tuck in my shirt I immediately put them on my enemies i must love list"

"shes so weird. theres nothing about her that doesnt kinda freak me out."

"gah its cold today. lubbock, the windy city"
"um thats philadelphia"
"youre an idiot. its chicago"

"the math hall smells terrible. i swear its the womens bathroom. you girls are sick"

"what if we studied everyday after class instead of cramming the day before the test?"
"uh are you on crack?"

"just danced to a remix of g6 and hide your kids hide your wife. it was a good mesh"

"the lower your standards the more joy youll experience"

"satan has many effects on the world. but ulcers are his most direct way"

"i stalked all 457 of his tagged photos. any judgements?"

"like my cross tattoos?"
"yeah...couldve gotten a necklace"