"our towns real big in the indian history. so instead of preserving the land we just build a bunch of houses and name the roads things like broken arrow and cherokee hope"

"our toilet is a champ"

"if my life were a roller coaster itd be the mini mine ride. nothing ever happens"

"if i see one more hacked status discussing bowel movements, i will have no choice but to comment on every person i knows wall the entire chapter of Appropriate and Inappropriate Hacking from the Fb Etiquette Handbook"

"do you think its tacky to wear a fanny pack?"
"no theyre very practical. they can hold everything. your money, keys, chapstick, pride"

"i was really really excited when i saw on itunes that beyonce has a new hit single. however, i was very disappointed when the chorus lyrics were "who runs the world? girls!" beyonce, you are my role model, but this is gonna take some reevaluating of my respect for you."

"forgot to pack church clothes when i came home this weekend"
"good way to see if christians will accept you for you"

‎"you could be an emt when you grow up"
"no i dont like how high they wear their pants"

"i would have showed up in 5 seconds if you had tweeted your location. that boy of yours is hott"

"imagine this: cash in your pocket. sitting in a cool river. hott girls floating by. excluding your sister. what could be a sweeter day?"

"if you watch cinderella backwards its about a woman finding her place"

"your facebook status says you breastfed till you were 7. please tell me you were hacked."

"yeah thats super weird"
"stop saying that"
"what? weird?"
"yes. that. word."
"thats weird that you want me to stop saying weird. see what i did there?"
"oh yeah. you said weird, even after i told you to stop saying it. then you said it again."
"nothing gets past you"

"were driving through a really dangerous storm right now"
"keep my brother safe. thats all i care about."
"ill pretend not to be offended..."
"just kidding. i need you to come back too. you have my pillow."

"i just got pooped on a by a bird. i thought that only happened in movies. i thought youd want to know"
"thats one of my biggest fears. sucks to be you."

"ive been pooping in public to save money on toilet paper"
"oh the joys of living off campus"

"i just accidentally deleted our texting thread. aka 12 years worth. fml. phone frozen for a decade and i dont have those messages to look back and laugh on. and use as evidence when you said i said something i clearly didnt. and then forward them to you in a bitter i told you so."

"i wanted to write it on your wall but i felt i was clogging it up with all my tags and comments. facebook etiquette is in affect at all times. there can only be so many bff exceptions."

"theres this really good homeade muffin brand called two girls and an oven"
"what else would two girls have?"

"theres a reason hes single. he didnt let me win in bowling."

"too bad you skipped class today. we got out early."
"did hell freeze over?"
"no just kidding. were still sitting here. miserably."

"theres a new blue bell ice cream flavor!!!"
"what a beautiful day"

"how do you politely tell someone to take you off their weekly mass text of a bible verse?"
"just say: i have to pay for my texting and i dont have unlimited. can you stop sending me bible texts, the lord already gets 10%"

"your facebook is single handily setting back the feminist movement"

"how do i politely tell the girl next to me her texts are boring and id rather someone else sat by me? youd expect more drama from a pregnant girl..."
"eh just casually switch chairs. you gotta catch em at the beginning of their pregnancy when theres lots of drama and theyre telling everyone. by the time theyre showing most of the drama has subsided. havent you ever seen teen mom? geez amateur..."

"sometimes i get really judgemental and think the people that are always on facebook chat are losers and never do anything with their life"
"and then you realize youre one of those people?

"some guy just chatted you while i was logged onto your fb. sorry in advance"
"whatd he say?"
"were having a convo. you have a sex date next thursday"
"WHAT?!"
"dont worry, no strings attached"

"okay im no facebook expert but im pretty sure its not appropriate to put your mug shot as your profile picture"
"dont doubt yourself. i consider you a fb expert"
"thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me"

"i just had my bowl just had my cereal. thanks rebeccca, i didn't know what to eat, then i remembered you wonderful song and it just came to me!"

"i couldnt put up your text cause it was offensive to lunch ladies. and i love my high school lunch ladies"
"im sure most of your blog fan base is lunch ladies so your number of views would go down drastically"

"you are fearfully and wonderfully insane"