"my teacher is a nazi"
"is she a nazi cause shes strict or shes a german and hates jews?"
"strict. i think shes of mexican descent..."

"my hott professor gave out his cell phone number for emergency purposes. but really he just wants me to call him"

"how was that english class you took last semester?"
"easy. i rarely went to class. did all the assignments the day they were do. got a B"
"*due ...you obviously didnt learn much"

"we were watching CSI and i said i bet the black guy did it. she called me an effing racist and left. havent talked to her since"
"so did the black guy do it?"

"your internet connection is called Jesus-Is-Lord but it has a password and it isnt open to everyone? a bit hypocritical dont you think?"

"if a guy is choosing to drink over me, then hes not worth it right?"
"depends. how hott is he? and whats his drink of choice? if its beer, get out of there"

"i know why i feel so happy: i have a twitter"

"if he has a picture album called My Truck, hes probably not dateable"

"where you been dude? i havent seen you out in a while"
"yeah i havent been going out much lately. the price of roofies is killing me"

"why are you talking to her? shes so mean"
"kill them with kindness"
"or just kill them..."

"i think my rib is piercing into my heart, so when that goes down remember i called it"