"i just learned how to use copy and paste. i just learned how to use copy and paste."

"i suspect my history prof is extra lib. he just lectured on how great women were in WWII"

"what a stupid lecture. dude just lost all his credibility"

"if women ruled the world there would be no wars. just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other"

"i think college girls are a little too old to have french braids"
"actually as i a guy i think its really cute"
"frick i gotta get me a pair of those"

"so sad elizabeth taylor died"
"yeah at least her scent will live on forever"

"you have an overdue book. and a letter for jury duty. shall i notify them that, as a library thief, you are not qualified for service?"

"goodnight"
"nevermind. she just put up new pics. no way im going to bed now"

"starting typing in google "is r" and the first suggestion was "is rebecca black a joke"… that was actually my question"

‎"that black guy in rebecca blacks videos gonna need to kill at least 15 people to get his street cred back"

"to stalk him is to love him"
"its our love language"

"ive finally figured out the twitter rage. we're all cool college kids always hanging out with people. facebook is to hard to keep up with for the social butterfly on the go (except for the expert stalker i am of course). sending in a quick tweet is so convenient."
"youre right. after we get real jobs and stuff we'll be back on facebook. we'll be that lame uncle aunt mom or dad that always comments and you wish you could delete as a friend"

"one day i will shave all my hair off in a fit of rage"

"nazi zombies isnt fun to watch. no matter how hott the boy playing is"
"not true. lemme send you some boys names to look up on facebook"

"if i ever get a boyfriend, kill me if i make a facebook album of just pictures of him"
"emphasis on IF you ever get a boyfriend"

"columbine is a terrifying name for a ski slope"
"santa fe has no class"

"woke up late. flat tire. traffic. whats the deal?!"
"adjustment bureau"

"im pretty good at twitter but i really excel on facebook"

"whats more embarrassing than falling off the ski lift? the man coming out of his hut and taking 20 minutes to explain how to get off next time"

"unfortunately he has a girlfriend"
"never stopped me before..."

"i told my mom parenting is easy when you always so no"
"grounded?"
"for a week"

"do you wanna come to my bible study tonight? its called heroic womanhood"
"no thanks. i already know how to make a sandwich."

"A rescue me tweet did nothing. Do not rely on your twitter community next time you encounter a near death experience."

"we need to raise awareness, the people of Santa Fe are not nice"
"yeah, lets send a few missionaries there or something"

"id rather do puzzles with my family"

"ive been snowboarding for 12 years and i fell off every lift today"

"humble pie doesnt taste very good, huh?"

"frat daddy in class caught me staring at him today. twice."

"what is this, carmen san diego day? where are you?"

"knowing about a date an hour in advance is not enough time to do my hair like his ex girlfriend's"

"mormons are out at this hour?"

"my phone just had a stroke. only one side of the buttons lights up and the same side of the screen is fuzzy"

"poor thing"

"for the TAKS test i had to write a story about a time i conquered a fear. since im fearless i just wrote taylor swifts fearless album lyrics on the page"